I am back!!! Yes, yes, yes, I am officially back! And I am so happy about it. So so happy!
I can only suggest that you get yourself a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, and sit down for a little read.
It has been a rollercoaster or smiles, crying, peace, doubt, breathing, fear, being uncomfortable, feeling elated – as I said a rollercoaster. But I am here, and back, and I am about to share my story with you about how I set myself free.
For anyone who knows me, they will know that I have been talking for quite a number of years now about standing up for yourself, doing what is right for you, and most importantly not allowing someone (or many others) to define you and your future.
I still believe this, without a shadow of a doubt. Perhaps even more so now than ever before. But to be honest with you I wasn’t really following my own ‘advice‘. I was telling all my Clients to step up, own who they are and I was doing the complete opposite.
“I wasn’t following my own advice and I definitely wasn’t setting myself free in any way”
As far back as I can remember, I have been someone who was shy, terribly shy. Convinced that I was boring to people, and if not boring, just an irritation to have around … and largely because I was so shy, so I didn’t initiate conversations, go talk to someone I didn’t know (oh gosh no) or be the life and soul of a situation. Now we can get into all of that, and we will, but not today. The reality is that this is how I grew up and developed my identity and what I believed about myself, how I felt about me.
I guess I should tell you a little bit more about the back end of all these statements I have just made so you can understand a little better (but we will be getting deep into all this stuff over the coming weeks, months, so don’t think I will leave you ‘out hanging’ on a story, hehe) …
I was terribly shy, probably because I was pretty isolated during my toddler years. I didn’t go to creche, so I didn’t learn to socialise from an early age, which is when we learn this type of skill.
Along with that, I had parents (who I love very much, and this is not a blame game at all) that were not very touchy-feely or chatty. So again, I didn’t learn any of these skills from them, I didn’t get to see these skills in action to know what they were, never mind how to navigate them. (Again I want to clarify this is not my parent’s fault, they grew up in circumstances that didn’t teach them these necessary skills either.)
And the boring and irritating part I will leave for now or I will get stuck here and you won’t hear about my year and how I set myself free.
Because of this belief system that I had of myself, and the identity that I had created of myself in my mind, and believed to the very core of me, I went into the big career and relationship world believing this.
We all do this by the way … we all develop our belief around who we are in our very early years, and that is what sticks with us through life unless you realise what it is that is holding you back, and do some very hectic work on yourself to make some changes, to be open and vulnerable about who you are and why, and then make some very big decisions to shift your thinking and unhitch or set yourself free from some “things” that are the exact triggers that bring out this self-belief that you have of yourself, from the self-belief that is holding you back from an even better version of yourself.
Anyway, back to the story of how I set myself free …
I would go out of my way to try and not be boring & irritating, so I tried to be perfect and someone that was indispensable. I looked for consistent recognition, and I would alter who I was to please and therefore be noticed by the person I was trying to please, and then they would want me around, or love me, or need me.
I ended up in many jobs that started out fabulously, but over time I became bitter with because all I was trying to do was do what I thought they wanted from me, rather than be myself. My job (that used to be everything to me) became a place I didn’t think noticed me or even cared about what I had to say, or what I did.
I started a relationship, that became a marriage that I was not truly myself in, not even 50% of me, all because I wanted to be loved so badly that I pretended to be someone I was not, to hold on to the love. And I thought that the love only came from me being what I thought he wanted. And I changed and quietened my spirit, and eventually, I thought I was going to explode because I was invisible to both of us.
So in the middle of 2019, I quit my day job to pursue my dream business and I asked for a divorce – I set myself free.
Now there were some other pertinent reasons attached to both of those decisions, and they were not small reasons either which should not go amiss, but the point of this story is to tell you how I had stopped listening to my own advice.
I did it all in one month …
I choose Joy.
And again, I choose Joy.
I set myself free.
I realised that I had to unhitch from the situations, people, and circumstances that were holding me back. I had to let go so I could be myself, be the best version of myself. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want everyone to think that I just woke up and went, poof … resignation and divorce, done and dusted. It was terrifying, and I cried a lot, I was so scared some days that if I didn’t have my dogs I may not have gotten out of bed, but having worked through this all, and really faced my fears and the uncomfortable stuff, brought out my inner-brave that I never knew I had inside me … what I do know now, is this …
– I have never been happier to be all me, raw and authentic and really just me
– I never knew I was hardly breathing & was, in fact, holding my breath most of the time
– I realise how suppressed I had allowed my spirit to become
– I was finally free, and that the feeling I had had for so many years was actually my soul almost exploding from feeling so trapped
– Any dream or desire I had for myself were completely clouded by the huge dark grey cloud that lived above my head, permanently
So after I set myself free, I took a few months off to heal, and it has been a f***ing emotional rollercoaster, wow intense! But what it has also done, along with me finding myself, is that it has made me realise what my purpose is … and that is to help you to unhitch and set yourself free from “things” that are holding them back.
And this is why I am back, and this beautiful and important purpose is what I will be doing.
I am finally free to just be me
Do you want to set yourself free?
So … how can I help you to set yourself free you ask …
There is a new podcast on the block, called Unhitch with Joy ~ where I am going to go through all and everything related to how you unhitch and set yourself free from that something or someone that no longer feels right for you, from that something that is holding you back. If you want to set yourself free and be free – then I want to help you to unhitch from that something. Now that something could be person, a job, a mindset, a thought process, a belief you have of yourself, a relationship with someone, anything – if you want to set yourself free, you need to truly let go so you can unhitch with joy.
And there is going to be something else coming very soon too, which is as exciting for me. A small tease about it (without giving away anything too soon, because I really want to wait and do this properly) is this …
Joyful has been specially designed to give you access to a life coach, literally at your fingertips, every single day. Watch this space as they say and my social platforms too, obviously for all about Joyful.
And if you think someone needs to read this, needs to unhitch from something that is not right for them, needs to set themselves free … please share.