15 Feb Don’t expect to be loved by others …
Have you spent a large portion of your life trying to make everyone around you happy, long before you think about yourself? Do you judge yourself on whether the people around you are in a good mood, seem happy, smile, react positively towards you … I did, for a very, very long time. But it clicked for me not so long ago…
I can only influence my happiness
I always thought that people would be happy around me because I made them happy. If they were in a bad mood, quiet, angry, not talking … it was because of me. I would stress out about it, and over think it forever, or until they changed their behaviour. If they didn’t change their behaviour and we left each other’s company, I would over think it more. It had to be me, I must have done something, or said something that they didn’t like and now they would be doubting having me around. And so it would go … for each and every person I came in contact with. I tried to whatever it was that I thought they wanted me to do because that would make them happy, and then I would be happy.
But this is the trick … it was always what I thought they wanted. I had already decided what it was that would make them happy. But you know what, that just doesn’t work.
Only you can make you happy, so …
Only they can make themselves happy
Fact ~ you can influence someone’s mood, but that is about it. If someone has had a bad day or is feeling down about something that might have happened before they saw you, doesn’t mean that it is about you.
This is the very real realisation that hit me last year. And to be honest, I don’t even remember the exact moment that it hit me, it just did, and I got it. I was sitting in a situation and feeling bad about the bad mood in front of me, and I suddenly looked up and said “I am sorry you having a bad time, I wish I could help, but I get it, this is something you need to work through and around and on. I am here when you feeling better.”
And when the bad mood shifted, and we reconnected ~ everything was okay, with me. It was marvellous. And I was happy.
This has been the most amazing shift that has happened to me, because it hasn’t happened with only one person, or in one situation … it clicked with me and wow did it click. Now don’t get me wrong, some days I find myself feeling hurt that someone seems unhappy around me, but I literally click my fingers, and I am out that space. And with that shift, I also came to realise that when I don’t expect a certain feeling or love from others, I never ever feel let down, or sad, or judged. I make sure I am happy, really happy. And when I am not happy I do what I can to change what I can, or I will be in that space for as long as I think I need to be. But I own my happiness … no one else. And I don’t try to own anyone else’s happiness. Ever.
I don’t try to own anyone’s happiness.