18 Dec I still cannot believe I will never speak to you again
They say time heals, but you know what ~ all that happens is that you get more and more used to someone not being around anymore. Today is 8 years since my dad passed away, just like that, unexpectedly … and it changed our lives forever. And today I woke up feeling pretty much the same way I feel each and every day when my dad pops in to my head …
I still cannot believe that I will never speak to him again, or see him. Eight years, can you believe it …time flies, and yet at the same time it is the one thing I have not been able to get my head around in all these years.
Time flies, but it still feels like it happened yesterday
Now don’t get me wrong, my dad was never a big talker. In fact he was a very quiet guy without a beer in his hand, and when he did have a beer he giggled a lot more than he talked. But you always knew when he wasn’t happy with something, or he needed you to think something through a little more. You would go sit with him in the evening to chat through something you needed to discuss with him ~ he would be at his bar where he always sat, with his newspaper, but could also turn his chair to see the TV and all of us in the family room. You would talk, and talk, and tell him everything, and your thinking … and he would listen, and either nod, which meant you were you good to go; or he would say “well I don’t think that is the best idea, I would think about xyz” and that was his ‘no no no, you won’t be doing that!’.
I used to get so nervous to talk to him about the stuff I needed to, because it always felt like if it was something I knew I needed to discuss with him meant that it probably wasn’t the best idea. He never ever judged, and he never made me feel like I was a moron to have thought to do what I wanted to, he always listened it all through, and made me feel like he had truly considered my view, but I was still always super nervous … I guess because his opinion meant so much to me.
I think that this is why I worry to share my opinion with others now … I worry that I will not be considered the same way my dad treated me. And on top of that I also worry about the outcome.
My dad made sure that I always got my s**t together before I needed to discuss anything with anyone, to prepare and have all my ducks in a row (even when they felt like they were all headed in completely different directions). This is a great skill I learnt from him …I use it with Andy, my boss, Clients, everyone.
Another thing that I have learnt over the last 8 years is
Life is short, but it is not that short.
After my dad passed away I think I said ‘life is short’ as much as I could to as many people whow ould listen. I wanted to remind everyone that they should tell people how they felt in case they couldn’t the next day. And I wanted people to think about what they were doing and whether they were truly happy … at work, in relationships, in what they picked, and how they choose to live their lives.
So what are the the biggest lessons I have learnt for myself over the past 8 years ~ here you go, I hope they can help you in some way:
Yes, life is short … but it is not that short. It took me a few years to come to terms with this, and some of it I only learnt the other day… but here you go
- I decided to actually do what I love to do ~ which is this ~ my coaching, writing, my YouTube channel, and in small ways affect a few people with my work.
- I have decided that because life is short, why not do as much of what I love than spending so much time doing what I don’t enjoy.
- I spend time and engage with people on stuff that matters to me, not small trivial stuff that really means nothing to me or them. I won’t spend ages pondering and drafting emails back to people that don’t mean anything to them, and especially to me.
- I make time for the people I love, and make sure that they know I am doing things, and stuff with them that they love, because that is important to me, letting them know that I love them that much that I will do whatever it is that they love doing … even if that is sitting on the couch watching a variation of car shows, on repeat (I love you husband!).
- I won’t spend time agonizing over the small stuff that only ends up hurting me, I snap that elastic around my wrist and move on.
- And I very rarely apologise for my actions anymore,and mostly because (as my dad taught me without even telling me) if I have prepared and know what I am about to embark on, then I have thought it through and know what to do … so why apologise because that doesn’t suit someone … I cannot please everyone, so I make sure I am happy with my decisions and that the decision is not wrongful in anyway, and how that will affect me and the ones I love … but I cannot apologise if something doesn’t suit you, but is so right for me.
I still wish I could go sit at my dad’s bar and chat, I still have his number in my favourites on my phone, I still talk to him every day as if he is there, wishing he was a phone call away… and I still cannot believe I will never see him again ~ this I just cannot accept yet.