04 Dec Something that happened when I was 6 sparked my biggest fear …
And no that was not seeing a spider!
Would you agree with me that we have all had at least one moment in our young lives that we remember because something happening to us that we would now say “defined us”. We may never have said this out loud to anyone else, and we may not have ever even truly admitted it to ourselves, but it is a moment that has played out in our heads, many many times, over the years. And like I said … it was not seeing my first spider!
That moment (and perhaps even a few moments) was a defining moment in that it made us feel something not so nice, and because of that feeling we started to think about it often, and it started to build and grow, and is now something we fear. We fear it will always happen to us, and because of that, it has defined us.
That defining moment created our biggest fear
I was 6 years old, and it was the first day of grade 2 for me. My best friend at the time was slightly younger than me, and I went to school a year earlier than her, so on this first day of grade 2 for me, was grade 1 for her. We had agreed to meet at first break … because we were besties. The bell rang, and I went to the meeting place … and I waited. A teacher came past and asked me why I was standing alone … I told her I was waiting for my friend. I waited some more. Another teacher came past and asked me the same thing, and I told her the same answer, now feeling slightly silly inside because I thought she thought I was fibbing. And on top of feeling like the teachers were questioning me, I also had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that she wasn’t coming ..
Side note: little did I know at the time that the feeling was my intuition, which was (clearly) already real and alert … and when I started to develop my intuition skills later in life I was also brought back to this exact moment, but this time for a positive reason, not the sadness it had also created inside me.
Anyway … back to the story … which I am sure you get, without me saying it, she never did come to meet me. When I saw later that day, I asked her where she was, and she said she spent break with her new friends from her class. We never spent a break together after that day.
I remember it like it was yesterday, and the feeling is very real for me.
I felt completely alone, and not good enough for her to spend time with.
I also felt totally let down by her.
That moment defined how I felt about myself for a large portion of my life …
- Not good enough for people to want to be with me
- And that people let you down, so don’t rely on them
That moment killed my self-confidence.
That moment defined what I felt about myself forever.
That moment set my self-belief barometer on super low.
I have thought about this moment so many times, and sometimes it even makes me cry … and a few weeks ago I went through it with my business coach, as “it” was blocking me from moving forward in my business. She took me through a very powerful process that I won’t get in to here, but part of it was that she asked me :
“if the you of today could give that little girl standing and waiting at her break time meeting place some advice, in that exact situation, what would you say to her?”.
“Joy, other people do not and will not define you, other people do not decide if you are worth it, because everyone is worth it in their way and in their time and for them.”
That is what I would’ve said to her. And I would’ve given her the biggest, tightest hug in the world.
Confidence is something that we own, we decide for ourselves … and I ask of you, beg of you, not to let others define you.
I feel like I should end this with one extra part to the story … after having done the work that day with my business coach, I lay in bed that night and I forgave her, true forgiveness … I let it go …
If this has touched you in some way, let me know in the comments below, and feel free to share it via a link below, maybe it can touch someone else.
Lots of love and confidence and forgiveness