13 May How to pick the battles you need to fight
“You will learn to pick the fights you fight, and the fights you don’t.” Said my mum … many times while I was growing up. And it was and is a lesson I have brought with me through life. I even find myself using it with others ~ and it is not one of the phrases I hear myself say, that is quickly followed by a shudder because I sound like my mother *winkwink*.
I have clearly learnt this lesson from my mum because I often find myself in situations where something happens (at work, or with Andy, or even with my mum) and I find this exact debate starts in my head … should I say xyz, should I tell them I disagree, should I say how badly this will go if they do it that way, should I say anything … or should I just keep my mouth shut and get on with my life?
My debate is always around ~ IF I say xyz … will it make any real difference to me and my life, or should I just keep my head done and stay quiet?
Andy and I often debate how something should be done at home … when to feed Jessy, Julie & James, which outside lights to leave on at night, how toasted should toast be …
Andy loves his low GI seed loaf toasted twice, on full temperature and time, with a specific amount of Butro on each slice … the way he wants it is not how I would do it because it is not the way I like it. Is it worth me telling him why … no … he likes it how he likes, and it makes no difference to me because I don’t have to eat it. So I leave it …
But lets be honest: all these example are not really serious enough to put in to the category of ‘pick your battles wisely’.
I have been debating on whether to have a specific “battle” that I think I should maybe have for about 10 weeks now … with regards to something at work. And it is a biggy. But I am not sure it is or will or should make a difference to me and my life …
Essentially it comes down to the fact that I think I should make certain people aware of how certain people are feeling about something (the something is the big thing).
This is the debate that has been raging in my mind for weeks, months … what do I do?
It has nothing to do with me, actually.
But, I don’t like what is happening, and what I can see unfolding in front of me.
I would never do it, or condone it happening if it was ‘in my space’ to accept and allow to play out.
But, I feel like these people should know, and see what I see, and I really shouldn’t have to point these things out to them.
And the largest part of my debate is around that the fact that ~ what if I step up and say my piece … and nothing changes, nothing is done, and it continues to unfold. I know this will make me even more upset, and I will feel like I let some people down.
I guess the real question for me is …
Do I fight for something I believe in, even if it won’t affect me?
Using the tick boxes on how to decide and pick the fights you fight, and the fights you don’t … technically, this is a battle I should leave alone … but on this specific matter, I feel that my values seem so much stronger than a few tick boxes. I would absolutely hate it if it got worse, and I hadn’t said or done anything, because that would mean I am condoning the actions, and I really do not. But while I am writing this blog, I find my mind being cast back to when I did in fact stand up for something very similar to this, almost a year ago … and if I have to be honest … nothing changed, so why would I think it would this time round.
I am not sure it will, but I find myself back to the point around ‘I would absolutely hate it if it got worse, and I hadn’t said or done anything’. I am not sure it has got worse since I last stepped up, but noting has changed either. And the ‘something’ is still very much there, and real for some people.
And on writing a little bit more, I think I have come to realise that over the year I just disconnected from the “something” so it wouldn’t hurt me anymore, which is often how I deal with things – yikes – that wouldn’t classify as choosing either way now would it.
I will fight this one more time ~ not for me this time, but for others.
Why you ask … well for the others who have asked me to, because I have a voice that might be heard or at least given the time to speak over theirs, and for that reason alone I should fight. And because I believe in people, and I have committed to helping people be the best version of themselves that they can be:
For the people I will fight for ~ they need to see people stand up for what they believe in, or don’t agree with, for them … so that maybe next time they will maybe try it for themselves. And that people do fight for the right things sometimes.
For the people I will fight – maybe they cannot see it (for some reason I cannot fathom) and maybe they need a nudge in the right direction, because we all get bogged down in the details sometimes ~ you know that saying “they cannot see the wood for the trees”, maybe.
So I will fight, because I know it is the right thing to do, for me.
Now a question for you – did my head & heart debate above on how to decide what battles to fight or not help you with something happening in your life right now?
Always stay true to who you are, fight the battle that makes sense to you.
If it helps you, pin this picture to your Pinterest board, or print it out and stick it up in your office, so you remember why.
And of you found this valuable please share with your friends, or onto your Facebook page now …
My parting thought for you is … choose wisely, but choose for the right reasons
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