12 Mar It’s not what you say, but how you say it that hurts me the most …
Have you ever had that thought, or felt that way ~ after someone has had something to say to you, about anything … it is not what you say, but rather how you say it that hurts me the most …
I have been told (recently) that it is not what I said, but how I said it that is wrong, or hurtful to this person … at the same time they said it is completely irrelevant of the context or reason why I said it. So … what I was saying, the actual meat or reason for what is being said is fine, no problems there … but it is the way that I have said it that is not okay.
At the same time I am feeling this exact thought about a few people towards me at the moment. There is nothing wrong with what they are saying to me, but how they say it is hurtful, and makes me feel terrible.
The funny thing is, I think it is happeningto mebecause the universe is making 100% sure that I get what is being told to me.
And it is working…
I was brought up with being told exactly when I did something wrong, or someone wasn’t happy with something I did or said. I was told, directly and to the point, once.
And that was it.
I do the same ~ I tell people straight if I am not happy with something they have done, or said … and I explain why, and often I am forceful about it, to make sure I get my point across.
But, I have found that in today’s world, this is not the ideal way to approach people … you have to use the softer approach. People want to know what the feedback is, good and bad and even ugly … but they want you to be nice in how you go about telling them.
And if I am honest, that is how I feel too … I am far more receptive and open to hearing the feedback when it is constructive and considered, rather than when it is done in a shouty and cold manner.
When I was first told my feedback, I got so defensive … we all do that right, “well, this is why I do what I do … blah blah reason why blah”.
But over the last few weeks I have really taken it all on board because within a day of getting the feedback, the reverse happened to me, and thankfully I realised almost immediately “wow, this is what they talking about – this is what I do”.
Suddenly I found myself looking introspectively at what I had been doing, and how i was making people feel by what I had to say … and I got it. The penny dropped.
We all have a choice as to how we show up in a situation, and I really do believe this.
We can decide … do we show up calm, and constructive, or aggressive and cold.
Do we show up smiling or with a hard face that is going to war.
Do we think about what we about to say, and the impact those words will have on the person receiving them … because there are many ways to say things …
I think sometimes we do, but I think more often we don’t.
Something to think about it …
Something I am thinking of …
And something I am trying very hard to consider, each and every day.