Happy to not care so much ... taxi driver :) - The Joyful Company
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Happy to not care so much … taxi driver :)

Happy to not care so much … taxi driver :)

Every year I start off thinking that this year I am going to ‘tackle’ a specific issue that keeps my head going, over analyzing, and thinking … a lesson that I always seem to battle with … and each year I set out thinking that I will get through it … like I will deal with it, “it” being such a simple task, and it will be done and sorted and forever “off my issue” list.
What I realised is that each & every year the issue that I think I am going to tick off my list, is pretty much the same each & every time … I just seem to frame, or write it slightly differently.

A pretty defining moment happened to me in December.
But when I look back on all of last year, and even to all the years before that …  it hit me how tough a year 2017 was for me, emotionally.  And I think this pretty defining moment was just the ultimate culmination of everything that has been happening … to bring this issue front and centre, and almost force me to start looking and thinking about this all differently!

I worry first about what others will think & say about me, before anything else.
And because of this I end up saying nothing because I want to, either:
* keep the peace, or
* avoid any kind of conflict, or
* dodge someone thinking something bad about me, and
* all of the above
So I just don’t talk … about anything that has upset me, that I disagree with, when I need help, when I want to cry out and scream … I just keep quiet.
I completely know this is crazy, and it does absolutely no good for me in the long run … because all that happens is that I end up over anaylzing it to death and thinking about how unfair it is, or how hurt I am, or what an sh** that person was.
But as I continue to think about it … time passes. And then slowly, slowly, I stop thinking about it … probably because I have found something else to over-think about (haha).

So what am I going to do about it?
And not for 2018, for forever!!!
I have found a “safe word” for myself … when I realise I am saying nothing, I am going to say this one word to myself … actually it’s two words … taxi driver.
Taxi driver.

To me the taxi drivers on the road all have one thing in common, and they are so absolutely and totally dedicated to it, even motivated by it …
They do not care about anyone else … on the roads, in their way, in front of them, next to them, behind them, wherever … they just have one mission in that very moment, and that is to go forward.

Now realistically, as I am about to set out on this challenge, I know (and I can assure you) I will not behave anywhere close to how a taxi driver behaves on the road, but if I can use that mentality in my life, it will surely make a small difference to me everyday.
And let’s be honest, I have a heart, which will also come in to play, and we know a taxi driver does not (well not when they driving anyway)! So there is no risk of me becoming a complete bulldozer and going off on the other end of the scale on this. Absolutely no chance …
I just have to start to find my voice, and the strength to find my voice, when it comes to me and what is important to me!

So … happy taxi driver!

1 Comment
  • Mandy
    Posted at 06:44h, 10 January Reply

    I think one needs to be mindful of the difference between not giving a shit about anyone else, and loving and honouring your process, because the intention behind them is completely different, as is the energy you will carry as a result. Having boundaries gives you a safe space to honour and love yourself. It gives you a voice, but more importantly, it gives you a clear, honorable and kind intentention behind the voice which is what serves us in the long term. Your name is such a perfect word energetically to use as you ‘reminder’ and you chose it for a good reason. If you want to manifest joy in your life, you need to be authentic. Being authentic means acting from a place where your highest purpose is met, and acting with the right intention, which means steering clear of the word eye. Instead of acting like a taxi driver, choose to act like joy. Using the words…when you do this….or when you say this….it makes me feel like xxxx….takes it out of the confrontational or ego space and into the heart space. No one can ever tell you that your feelings are wrong. Please try it, it’s a tool I learnt in rehab and it serves me so beautifully in allowing me to feel heard and my emotions validated without it turning into a blame game.

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