24 Nov Happy tough discussions xoxo
I have had 2 tough discussions brewing this past month … one I have had, and one I have not.
The one I have had was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do as it made me face one of my biggest fears … asking for help.
I battle to ask anyone for any kind of help, ever.
I should state upfront that it took me almost 5 weeks to actually balls up and do, and it had been something I knew (deep down) that I had to do for about 5 months before that … and the funny thing was, that as I trundled through plucking up the courage to do it, the universe keep putting more reasons, and moments, and opportunities, and even more reasons in front of me to do it. I was still managing to convince myself (daily) that I didn’t need to do it. Eventually, after about 7 “things” happening day after day after day, all associated to this one thing, I decided that I would give myself a date I had to have done it by because the universe was going to get louder and louder!
The day got closer and closer to me, and up until the minute before I actually did it, I was still talking myself out of it.
So I am standing there, the day is today, I have to do this, I still think I have good reason to put it off … and a weird thing happened, I just opened my mouth, and said: “there is something I need to talk to you about …”
And the next thing I knew was that it was out, and I was asking for help.
I have never felt such relief for having done something, ever, ever, ever!
I am a firm believer that the universe will keep presenting the solution or decision (depending on the situation at hand) to you until you get there yourself. And today I write this email wondering what would have happened next from the universe in order for me to have actually done it. In a way I am glad I didn’t have to get there 🙂
The second one, the one I have not done yet, is still brewing.
This one is another fear of mine, probably one that people who know me wouldn’t really see as something I am fearful of … standing up for myself.
I can stand up for others, loudly. I can stand up for a cause, easily. I can stand up for something work related, anytime. I can stand up for the right thing being done, very loudly.
But I seriously battle to stand up for me. I turn inside, I close up, and I become very quiet.
At the moment, as it brews, I am in the stage of convincing myself it will just go away … but it won’t, and it won’t because I don’t let it go … every morning I find myself talking to ‘them’ while I get ready, saying everything I want to say to ‘them’ and getting it all off my chest.
So do I continue to have the tough discussion with myself, or do I go and have it?
One side of me says … saying nothing says a lot in itself. It says I won’t rise your bait. I won’t acknowledge your view because it is wrong, and I know that, and that is all that really matters. I won’t lower myself to discuss something that is childish. But is this me avoiding?
The other side of me says … go right in and say : how dare you, how dare you talk about me like this and make assumptions you know nothing about? (there is a lot more I say in the mirror in the morning, but I won’t go there 🙂 because that will probably make me just like “them”). But will this actually make me feel any better?
I honestly believe that the first side is how I should continue to act, and not because I am attempting to avoid a tough discussion, but rather because I believe an even bigger lesson for me is actually that I need to care less about what people think about me, especially when I know that what they are saying, and assuming are wrong, completely and utterly wrong. The real people who need to know what I did (in fact in this instance, did not do) is all that actually matters.
So … tough discussion are tough … for that reason.
Because we need to grow from them, and learn from them.
I faced a fear this week.
And I grew to love myself a little bit this week too.
Pretty good week all in all.