15 Nov Happy to have had time to breathe x
It has been a while … sorry about that.
I guess there are a few reasons for the quietness:
Partly because I was so terribly busy with so much going on in all aspects of my life … but actually, let’s be honest … this isn’t really a good enough excuse, because I firmly believe that you will always find time to do what you really want to do … right?
If you really honest with yourself, if you really want to do something, or see someone, or get something done … you will. No matter what, you will find the way, find the time, stop something else, whatever it may be, you will work it out to get or do what it is you really want.
Another partly was because I was going through a very rough time in a certain aspect of my life, and when I get upset I retreat. I dissolve into myself and almost hide. It is because I spend a lot of time analyzing everything, and discussing it with myself. I talk and talk to whoever it is I need to talk to (in my head obviously) and fight and scream, and cry and reason with, and explain and over explain, and even explain again. This is the over analyzing side of Joy, and let me tell you, this does me way more harm than it does me good.
And then a big part of being silent for a while, which couldn’t have come at a better time for me (because of both the above reasons) was because I went to Paris, yah! I was sent on a course with BBDO – to their University, and it was all around being a trusted advisor and true leader. Yes, the food was incredible, yes there was LOTS of cheese and wine and croissants (and yes I ate/drank all 3 everyday!), it was far chillier than I have ever experienced (the highest it got during the day was 9 degrees, eeekkkk), and we stayed in an old chateau/castle that couldn’t have been more French if it tried. It was fantastic.
And the course and actual experience was something I could never truly explain in words. There were 21 of us, from almost every corner of the globe, and we were given the opportunity to learn from some serious masters in their fields (from the around the world). When I got there I thought I would know no one, which is slightly daunting for me, personally … but I then realised 2 people I work with in our London office were there, and then one speaker/contributor was someone who was so exceptionally key to my career and growth about 6 or 7 years ago and she was the key part of the first 2 days of the course, which was just so absolutely special to me, in so many ways.
Anyway … back to being silent, and breathing …
The Paris thing couldn’t have come at a better time, honestly. After having a ‘chat’ with my special person, where she helped me to understand what was happening to me and why … I went off to my Chinese medicine guy (who is actually Greek!!) who gave me a reboot on the Thursday and from there I decided to just be still, and offline, and quiet. I took a deep breath, and relaxed. I forgot about everything and everyone. For 9 days. And Paris was thankfully in that time, so it made it so much easier for me to get off the grid, as I am not sure I could’ve done this if I had been in Joburg (the trip coinciding so perfectly from a time point-of-view).
I managed to get real perspective … on everything, which was great. Not everything is solved, or resolved fully, but I am feeling so much better about where I sit with regards to each.
I know why I was so angry, with myself and others.
The angry I was internalizing has made me understand certain aspects of me better, and commit to not doing certain things to myself every again. It has also very clearly defined how I want to approach other aspects of my life, whether that is from afar, or head on, or as a transaction, rather than getting emotional.
And then 2 very important learnings for me were:
One is the thing I say to everyone all the time, and I guess the phrase “easier said than done” pops to mind, and that is:
I have to put myself first, and think about me first and how each interaction affects me, and what and how I want to do with that.
And the second one, which is probably my biggest challenge in this world, and will be my lesson for life, and that is:
I cannot care what others think of me, my opinion, my actions, or my way.
I know what I do, no matter what others think I do, I know what I am about, no matter what others perceive me as, and I know I am good enough … at my job, as a friend, as a leader, as a coach, as a wife, as a person, and a mommy to 3 munchkins.
So all in all, a good time to breathe.
If you need it, take the time to do it, please … however you manage to ~~ if you take yourself away of a weekend, or use your holiday that is coming up, or just take a day by yourself.
It will be so worth it, I can promise you that!